Book Signings!

My next book signing will be at Borders in Harrisburg on 5125  Jonestown Rd.  December 6th at 3:00 o’clock.  I know I will meet even more people that I was meant to help.

My first book review

All the “non” coincidences that have happened in my life so far, especially throughout my sobriety, help me believe more than ever that there is  something that will guide us and give us reassurance in life if we search for it.  In my book I wrote how when ever there are unwanted circumstances in my life, I use the tools of prayer, people, and hope to help me get through them.  Recently on a day when not only were my current circumstances not the best, but my belief in a Creator I call God and myself wasn’t as strong as it usually is,  I once again used these three tools to help me. First I prayed for the guidance and reassurance I needed that day and then went to work feeling a little sad, but trying to believe as hard as I could that I would get what I prayed for.  Only a few hours later Traci showed up and after some small talk, I opened up about my book and my plans to go out and help others.  I also told her how I was feeling and when I no sooner finished telling her this, she looked at me and said she does book reviews and she would be glad to read my book and write a review of it on her blog.  Of course I realized she would need to like it for it to get a good review, but by then I had already developed a strong belief that I wrote a great book and knew she would like it. I truly believe this was just another of the many “non” coincidences that has happened in my life.  I want to thank Traci for her help. I also want to say to those who are currently going through tough times, that there is a reason for everything that happens in our life and even when we’re not sure why we’re going through some of the things we do, if we choose to, we can get through them and come out the other side with a stronger belief in ourselves.  I must add that unwanted circumstance are happening less in my life and this along with the “non” coincidences that continue to happen, make me believe more and more that there is a Creator that gave me the ability to be all right even when things aren’t.

You can read the review by clicking the link below.

http://tracitaylorbookreview.blogspot.com/2009/11/why-i-pray-in-shower.html

Identity

If you were to describe who you are in only a few words, how would you do so? Would you say you’re a loving parent or spouse? A nice person maybe. Or perhaps a hard worker?   Of course some of us would use other things to describe who we are and I would simply say I’m a good person, but this doesn’t describe all of who I am. While I am a good person I also consider myself to be all the other things I mentioned and even more. For example I am also a spiritual person. There are times however, when my behaviors contradicts who I say I am and this causes me to feel bad. Fortunately I have learned that this is ok as long as I’m aware of it and try harder to correct these types of behaviors. I don’t know of anyone who is always being who they say they are and this is also part of who we are. As far as my own life goes, not always being who I say I am helps me to see what I need to improve on to be a better father, husband, worker, and person,  and especially to realize how much more spiritual growth I need. So who are we?  It depends on who we want to be. Maybe if we keep it simple all we need to do is to keep trying to be a better person. Not better then other people. But better then we were before. I know this has helped me to also be a much happier person.

Negativity

“When it rain it pours.”  “That’s just my luck.”  “Why does this always happen to me?”  Do you or anyone you know say these things any time something goes wrong in life? Although saying statements like these may not seem like a big deal, studies have shown that we can actually cause continued negative events in our life as a result of it. No matter what you may believe to the contrary, negative and adverse things will  be a part of your life until you change not only what you say, but especially what you think. Our thoughts are more powerful then you might imagine and when you speak negative thoughts out loud it actually confirms that they’re true. It took me quite a few years and a lot of practice in my sobriety to fully be able to change my thoughts from negative ones to positive ones, but it was well worth the effort. Today I have very few problems in my life, but if I do experience some unwanted or adverse situation,  I use it as a chance to grow personally and spiritually. As I said though, it took a lot of time and practice to change how I think and even today there are times when I catch myself thinking negatively. Fortunately I have learned that stopping these negative thoughts and trying to find the positive in an adverse situation helps me live a happier and more useful life. A life that while certainly not perfect, is much better now then when I was drinking and creating a life that while not always lived in misery, sure seemed that way because of my negative thinking.

A simple reason for fear

I wrote a lot about fear in my book,  but I thought I’d share something I read a long time ago in the literature of Alcoholics Anonymous that for one reason or another I didn’t include in my book. It basically suggested that we were afraid we wouldn’t get something we wanted or that we would lose something we already had. I like this because it is a simple reason why some of us can feel fearful in our lives from time to time, especially considering how things seem to be today.  However, there is something else I read a long time ago that I did include in my book that has helped me many times in overcoming my fears and be happy in life. “The only cure that I have found for fear is faith.” I then added the following to it. Faith there is something rather than nothing that created the Universe and life for a reason. I call it God and I pray to it in the shower.  I am beginning to believe more and more that however you choose to define it, faith is needed to be less fearful today and to be happier in our lives.

Better than we were before

I wrote in my book that we can be happier in life by trying to be a better person than we were. However, I know for me, doing so isn’t always that easy. Sometimes I don’t feel like being a loving and kind person or want to be understanding and tolerant of someone who isn’t being any of those things themselves.  I do try though, and even if I am the slightest bit unkind to someone, I will apologize and tell that person it’s not who I am or who want to be. I then move on and try harder next time to be the person I say I am.  This is simply a part of growing spiritually and it helps me to be happier in life. There are other ways we can be better than we were before that doesn’t involve spiritual growth, but can also help us be happier in life. I have learned that if I’m open minded and try to understand other peoples views on things, it can go along way in not only being better able to practice love and kindness toward them, but becoming better educated on things I don’t understand. Many times after I listen to what someone else thinks about something that interests me, even though I may disagree with what they are telling me, I still investigate what they told me and sometimes learn something about the subject I didn’t know before. It doesn’t always lead to me changing my own views on whatever the subject was, but it does help me to try and find some common ground to stand on with that person and accept them for who they are and what they believe in. This then adds to the happiness I feel from growing spiritually because I know I’m also growing as a personal. This self education along with my continued quest to be a spiritual person is one of the main reasons for my happiness in life, and also helps me to love myself and be happy with who I am, even when I sometimes still behave like someone I’m not.

Freedom is an inside job

I’ve been hearing how some people, apparently attached to a specific political group, are worried about us losing our freedom in this country and that our current President is the next coming of Hitler. I for one believe that happy people don’t talk or worry about things like this. They have already obtained a freedom of sorts, wherein they don’t let fears and insecurities take away their happiness and have a confidence in themselves that tells them they will be all right even when things aren’t.  I’m not attached to any political groups or completely free of  fears and insecurities myself, but I can honestly say I don’t worry about too much anymore and have learned that I can be all right no matter what my current circumstances are.  I have also learned not to fear the worst and even if unwanted changes occur and things look bad, my experience has been that everything really will be all right if I believe it will. Three years from now, even if we elect a different President with a different political affiliation, things aren’t going to be a whole lot different. Something changed in this country a long time ago and has manifested into what we are seeing today, which is a greater division among people here than ever before. A division that started a long time ago, and has continued to grow through many different presidencies. I wonder what the Forefathers of this country would think about this division, as they certainly envisioned our country to be a different one than the one we live in now. What really makes me curious though, is why it seems so many people with money saved and a well paying job they appear to like, seem to be the ones worried about where our country is heading?  Maybe it’s because they think they have something to lose. I have no savings and a job that barely pays the bills, and certainly have something to lose myself. Yet I still have hope everything will eventually be all right even though it isn’t, not really for me, but for other people in the same boat, and especially those in much greater distress do to the fact that they never had the opportunities some people have. If you’re happy and I hope you are. Then be grateful for the friends and family you have, whatever money you have saved, and a job you like that pays your bills. But please also look at what the corporate millionaires and billionaires are talking about. They’re talking about the profits they’re somehow making despite the economy and how funny it is that some people think our President is the next coming of Hitler. What they’re not talking about however, is that our country is going to hell in a hand basket and that there is nothing but doom and gloom in our future. Then again neither are the middle and lower class people I know. They’re simply too busy trying to keep what they have and being as happy as they can in the job or jobs they have, despite doing more and in some cases making less and not getting much needed cost of living raises. I will admit I’m starting to worry more about one thing. That these people are beginning to lose the hope I have that everything will eventually be all right even though it’s not for them.

Where does ego come from?

I’ve heard people who while apologizing for something bad they said to someone during an argument, say things like. “I guess my ego just got the best of me and that’s why I acted the way I did. ” Or. ” Yeah, my pride and ego has always been a problem for me, and I need to get it under control” As a matter of fact, in some of the AA literature, “Pride and Ego” is mentioned as something many Alcoholics have way too much of and is said to be the cause for some of the difficulties they face in life.  While I would never dispute that pride and ego has caused some of my own difficulties in life and much of the unhappiness I’ve experienced. It wasn’t until I began working on overcoming the many fears and insecurities I felt about myself and life in general, that I was able to see how it was actually those things that were behind the prideful and egotistical behaviors I exhibited. I also knew if I ever wanted to stop behaving in that manner and be happier in life,  I needed to continue overcoming my fears and insecurities. I did this by using the tools of prayer, people, and hope and by believing in a creator I call god. Today I simply remind myself of who I am and who I am not, and try to practice some level of humility in my day to day affairs. As a result, I experience less fears and insecurities, have very few self created difficulties in life, and feel much happier. I can also say that today I have a true sense of ego and a more appropriate pride in myself. However, I will add that  if it weren’t for all the times when my fears and insecurities caused me to act out in the prideful and egotistical ways I did, I wouldn’t know the difference between having a false sense of ego, and a true one.

Sometimes regrets are good

There are are some people who don’t understand it when I get emotional while talking about my past. They think I may be dwelling in it too much or that perhaps I haven’t gotten over some of it yet. What they don’t understand is that I use the emotions I can still feel from my past to help others and to continue trying to be a better a person than I was before. For instance. When I allow myself to feel sadness over certain events in my childhood. It helps me understand any sadness someone else may be feeling over their own childhood and to better direct them as to what is needed to get past it. The same goes for anger, worry, and self pity. As far as how these emotions help me to be a better person. When I look back on the the times when I simply wasn’t the best person I could be, or a better husband and father. I use whatever sadness, and in some cases anger I feel towards myself, to help motivate me to be a better person, husband, and father today. I clearly understand that I wasn’t the most horrible person someone ever met, and in most circumstances often tried to do the right thing. However, make no mistake about it, some of the things I did were not spiritual and certainly should not of happened. Fortunately I know I’m not the same person I was back then and am capable of using my past and the emotions it sometimes brings to the surface, to not only help others and myself, but to also feel grateful for who I am today.

A reason for everything?

Sometimes I wonder how I can honestly tell people that I believe there is a reason for everything that happens in our our lives, especially when there doesn’t seem to be any answers for some of the bad things that occur. I know when something considered good happens it’s easy to claim there was a reason for it, but what about when some random tragedy happens to someone that doesn’t seem to have any meaning to it at all?  I have personally experienced things in my own life that seemed bad at the time, and was not only able to find meaning to it, but grow personally and spiritually from it as well. However, I never experienced some of the tragic events that others have. I already covered this in my post about gratefulness, but with what has been seeming like more and more tragic events taking place in the world around us, I can understand it if people begin to question whether or not there’s a God.  I guess all I can do to help others believe in something is to keep doing what I’ve been doing for myself over the last thirteen years now, which is to continue to look at the many good things that happen in my life and others, and believe as hard as I can that there is indeed a reason for everything that happens both good and bad. Although I know I don’t have all the answers to why some us go through the things we do, my life has shown me there is much more to this world than meets the eye. It is because of this that I can’t help but believe in a creator I call God, that will explain to me what life is about after I die, and I pray to it in the shower.