When a debate is no longer a debate

Although I wrote in an earlier post that I am beginning to stay away from any form of debate in my life and move on to what I know brings me more happiness.  I am admitting here that just last night I still somehow managed to get involved in what went from wanting to help someone with a loved one who is going through some emotional troubles, to quite a bit more than a simple debate with them, over whether or not our childhood and adolescence effects us as adults.   Not only was my view on this, which I will get to shortly, in total disagreement with them, but the way I went about it eventually seemed more like an attack from me than my view and understandably upset them. I was later reassured that this would in no way jeopardize our recently formed friendship, but this was definitely not how I wanted the evening to go, and it was surely not the way to help anyone. I also realize that not everyone needs to look at their past for answers to any emotional troubles they face as adults, or that “all”  of our troubles are a result of a bad childhood. I do however, believe that by looking at our past and talking to someone we have full trust in about what we experienced as a child and a teenager, rather real or perceived, can and often does lead to answers that helps us to better understand any emotional troubles we experience as adults. This can be self made troubles, or ones that can come from chemical imbalances in the brain, but make no mistake about it, if left untreated by medication, some type of therapy, or both, things will often never get better until we at least attempt to eliminate any possible childhood causation,  whether it be some type of emotional trauma, abuse, neglect, or as I mentioned simply perceived.  The thing I need to remember though, is that no matter how much I may disagree with someone else on any matter, it’s not up to me to convince them that I’m right.  I just feel in my heart that what ever the reason some of us end up with emotional troubles in our adulthood, whether it leads to alcohol and drug abuse, having trouble holding down a job, reckless or unwise decision making, or any other actions that brings us emotional pain and unhappiness in life. Somewhere inside of us there lies the answers as to why we feel the fears, insecurities, and negative emotions we do, and these things most certainly take root in our childhood, grow in our teenage years, and for some us without help, can remain throughout adulthood. Our childhood and teenage years can of course also be a great asset in helping us be well in life, but for those who have grown up filled with feelings of unhappiness, ones of hopelessness, a sense of worthlessness, or any type of fears and insecurities,  I just want to say I understand and my heart goes out to you. I do however, also need to learn when to hit the “off switch” when trying to help others understand their loved ones emotional problems, or for that matter anyone I’m trying to help, and remember although I have helped many people in my life and feel a compelling passion to do so, I’m not some self help guru or an expert on these matters. Not only does not knowing when to hit the off switch hurt peoples feelings, but it can put up a wall that prevents me from ever helping them in the future. I can however, make amends which I did. Use this experience to continue to grow as a personal, which I will. And share it with others in effort to be who I say I am, instead of who I was last night,  by turning a simple debate into something much more.